Alright so now that I got all that other stuff off my chest in my last post, let's move onto some updates about the pregnancy!
I had my OB checkup yesterday with my favorite doctor at the practice, Dr. Crider. I was so happy to finally see him because it's been months (he's been all booked up). Luckily I scheduled all the rest of my appointments for the rest of pregnancy and will get to see him every time.
I've gained 1 pound since two weeks ago putting the grand total at 8 pounds so far. I am very happy with that considering I started out overweight to begin with and the doctors are very happy too.
Belly is measuring over 36 weeks which could indicate a bigger baby, but it could also mean nothing.
I am NOT dilated at all (dammit!) but my cervix is soft and beginning to thin out he said so that is a positive thing. Little girl had turned herself breech two days ago but then turned herself back head down which I was happy to find out.
Now to the concerns of the pregnancy. My BP is high, like 141/91 and there is protein in my urine which are all potential signs of pre-eclampsia. So, I have to monitor my BP (my parents lent me their machine) and I also started a 24 hour urine collection this morning. I have to put every pee I do into a jug that I will be bringing back to the lab. It's a pain in the ass considering I pee every 2 min, but hey, you do what you gotta go. All day yesterday my BP was on the higher side but it did get to normal at one point. Dr. Crider believes the 24 hour urine collection should give us some more answers.
The other concern is about my placenta. It's been low lying ever since my 19 week scan. I had another u/s at 31 weeks (because my doctors felt it would most likely have moved up by then) but it was still too low lying. So now I go in at 36 weeks (Friday, Sept 21st) for a final u/s to determine whether or not it is far enough away from my cervix for a vaginal birth. It has to be at least 2 centimeters away. If not, we have no choice but to schedule a c-section which will happen somewhere around 39 weeks. I wish I could say I had a good feeling about this, but I don't. I just have this gut feeling that my placenta has not moved enough and I want to prepare myself for the disappointment if I'm not able to give birth vaginally. So I'm preparing. And if I go in and it's moved, then awesome. If not, I will just know that the c-section will be the safest option for me and Hannah.
So...that's basically it right now. I had some stuff I wanted to do today but I think it would be awkward to go out with my pee jugs. Lol....although it does make me laugh thinking about it. So I will sit here and home and just collect pee all day!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
The Truth About How I Feel
Was reminded today that I haven't wrote in awhile. SORRY! I've been a huge slacker.
Anyway, I haven't really written because I was debating whether or not I should write this entry. Why? Because I'm afraid it makes me sound ungrateful. And when so many people you care about are still trying to get to this place, you don't want to offend anyone by complaining. But then I think, this IS my blog. And those people know how much I care for them and root for them so I don't think they would take it the wrong way. I want to be honest too. It would be more wrong of me to fake happiness and joy when the reality is that I have been struggling so bad that sometimes I can't stop crying.
Let me say first that I love this little girl inside of me already with all of my heart and soul. And I dream nonstop about that first moment when I will see her face. I know this is all worth it, I do. I am so grateful to be pregnant with her. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But that being said, FOR ME, pregnancy has been completely horrible. Not just bad or tough, but actually torturous. I thought the first trimester (and half of my 2nd) was the worst because I couldn't stop vomiting for the life of me. But no, third trimester is without a doubt much worse than that.
Let's go through the list, shall we? Let me point out also, that I am feeling ALL of these things, every single day, at the same time.
1. Constipation: I never knew that constipation could cause pain like this. I already have IBS and the constipation makes the pain 10x worse. The horrible cramping and pain from straining is just awful. I currently take 2 stool softeners/day plus this nasty prune juice/applesauce/bran mixture that the doctor said to eat daily to help regulate me. That being said, sometimes I still only go once a week...if I'm lucky.
2. Hemorrhoids: Because of the constipation I have developed lovely internal hemorrhoids. The pain is unlike anything I've ever felt. At one point, I was unable to sit or even walk. I got to have a really fun rectal exam for those and have suppositories to take on and off, but they are clearly not clearing up anytime soon.
3. Acid Reflux: Basically I wake up every night choking on acid vomit. I'm on Nexium AND Zantac and I try to sleep partially elevated. Still doesn't help. It's just brutal.
4. Hip and Pelvic Pain: I'm thinking I may have SPD.....my hips are constantly creaking and cracking and I have this HORRIBLE pain in my pelvic area. I feel it the most when I'm sleeping and try to change position. It's just awful.
5. Foot pain: I have plantars fascitis so I already had issues with this. But apparently pregnancy makes it much worse. The pain on the bottom of my feet is so bad that I can't be on my feet for more than 5 minutes at a time or I literally cannot walk anymore. I do some physical therapy exercises to try to help it but they really don't do much.
6. Nausea- Still have it, still sucks.
7. Interstitial Cystitis: I have this bladder condition that causes me to pee every few minutes. When you're pregnant, it's made much worse. I don't sleep at night because I am up every 15 minutes having to pee. The pressure down there is so bad sometimes I don't make it to the toilet on time.
8. Restless Legs: If you've ever had restless legs you know how torturous it can really be. Falling asleep is like a joke, because my legs and feet feel crazy and I can't do a damn thing about it.
9. Swelling: I have Fred Flintstone Feet and Sausage fingers. And they go numb all the time.
I'm going to stop there because it's just a lot. And that list doesn't even include some of the smaller typical pregnancy issues. Basically, experiencing this has made me question whether or not I could go through it again. When you have a lot of medical issues to begin with, it just makes everything that much harder. Before I was pregnant, I would experience some of these things, but mostly not at the same time. So it was much more manageable. Now, it's all at once. And I'm having a hard time dealing. I cry. A lot. And I just feel like a mess and a failure. I am so thankful for my kind and patient husband because I don't know that I could get through this without him without going completely insane.
All I can do is pray that the moment Hannah is placed in my arms, that I will forget how bad some of this was. Everyone keeps telling me I will and I really hope so. I do know that if I do want to get pregnant again at some point that I would like to start by being in better physical shape than I am now. I'm sure that's contributed to some of the pain and discomfort.
Anyway, it's all out in the open now. I hope I am not judged too harshly for my feelings. I do try to look at the bright side and that is that I have a healthy and active little girl inside me. I am also so incredibly grateful to the women from my DDC and another small private group because everyone shares without judgement and supports each other and I think that's a beautiful thing.
Only a few more weeks to go. I know I can do this.
Anyway, I haven't really written because I was debating whether or not I should write this entry. Why? Because I'm afraid it makes me sound ungrateful. And when so many people you care about are still trying to get to this place, you don't want to offend anyone by complaining. But then I think, this IS my blog. And those people know how much I care for them and root for them so I don't think they would take it the wrong way. I want to be honest too. It would be more wrong of me to fake happiness and joy when the reality is that I have been struggling so bad that sometimes I can't stop crying.
Let me say first that I love this little girl inside of me already with all of my heart and soul. And I dream nonstop about that first moment when I will see her face. I know this is all worth it, I do. I am so grateful to be pregnant with her. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But that being said, FOR ME, pregnancy has been completely horrible. Not just bad or tough, but actually torturous. I thought the first trimester (and half of my 2nd) was the worst because I couldn't stop vomiting for the life of me. But no, third trimester is without a doubt much worse than that.
Let's go through the list, shall we? Let me point out also, that I am feeling ALL of these things, every single day, at the same time.
1. Constipation: I never knew that constipation could cause pain like this. I already have IBS and the constipation makes the pain 10x worse. The horrible cramping and pain from straining is just awful. I currently take 2 stool softeners/day plus this nasty prune juice/applesauce/bran mixture that the doctor said to eat daily to help regulate me. That being said, sometimes I still only go once a week...if I'm lucky.
2. Hemorrhoids: Because of the constipation I have developed lovely internal hemorrhoids. The pain is unlike anything I've ever felt. At one point, I was unable to sit or even walk. I got to have a really fun rectal exam for those and have suppositories to take on and off, but they are clearly not clearing up anytime soon.
3. Acid Reflux: Basically I wake up every night choking on acid vomit. I'm on Nexium AND Zantac and I try to sleep partially elevated. Still doesn't help. It's just brutal.
4. Hip and Pelvic Pain: I'm thinking I may have SPD.....my hips are constantly creaking and cracking and I have this HORRIBLE pain in my pelvic area. I feel it the most when I'm sleeping and try to change position. It's just awful.
5. Foot pain: I have plantars fascitis so I already had issues with this. But apparently pregnancy makes it much worse. The pain on the bottom of my feet is so bad that I can't be on my feet for more than 5 minutes at a time or I literally cannot walk anymore. I do some physical therapy exercises to try to help it but they really don't do much.
6. Nausea- Still have it, still sucks.
7. Interstitial Cystitis: I have this bladder condition that causes me to pee every few minutes. When you're pregnant, it's made much worse. I don't sleep at night because I am up every 15 minutes having to pee. The pressure down there is so bad sometimes I don't make it to the toilet on time.
8. Restless Legs: If you've ever had restless legs you know how torturous it can really be. Falling asleep is like a joke, because my legs and feet feel crazy and I can't do a damn thing about it.
9. Swelling: I have Fred Flintstone Feet and Sausage fingers. And they go numb all the time.
I'm going to stop there because it's just a lot. And that list doesn't even include some of the smaller typical pregnancy issues. Basically, experiencing this has made me question whether or not I could go through it again. When you have a lot of medical issues to begin with, it just makes everything that much harder. Before I was pregnant, I would experience some of these things, but mostly not at the same time. So it was much more manageable. Now, it's all at once. And I'm having a hard time dealing. I cry. A lot. And I just feel like a mess and a failure. I am so thankful for my kind and patient husband because I don't know that I could get through this without him without going completely insane.
All I can do is pray that the moment Hannah is placed in my arms, that I will forget how bad some of this was. Everyone keeps telling me I will and I really hope so. I do know that if I do want to get pregnant again at some point that I would like to start by being in better physical shape than I am now. I'm sure that's contributed to some of the pain and discomfort.
Anyway, it's all out in the open now. I hope I am not judged too harshly for my feelings. I do try to look at the bright side and that is that I have a healthy and active little girl inside me. I am also so incredibly grateful to the women from my DDC and another small private group because everyone shares without judgement and supports each other and I think that's a beautiful thing.
Only a few more weeks to go. I know I can do this.
Monday, August 20, 2012
My Ass Hurts...(a TMI post)
So I totally forgot to write about this last post....I guess probably because it didn't start bothering me as much until late last night.
So, I have hemorrhoids. Usually, while they suck, they are no big deal. Even before pregnancy I would sometimes I get them for a day or so and then they would disappear. I'd have some pain while going to the bathroom and I've only had one REALLY bad attack and that was the night after my wedding.
Cue to last night. I've been a little sore down there, but figure its just because of all the straining due to the constipation. Well I was sitting on the couch for AWHILE. And when I stood up I felt it. It literally felt like something huge was going to fall out of my butt. And I'm not talking about the normal stuff that comes out. It felt like a lead weight. At this point its painful even when walking and I haven't gone to the bathroom in 2 days so I figure it could be that? I was in pain all night long and barely even able to sit.
Today it's 10x worse. I did go to the bathroom this morning...a lot. And it hurt some but I expected some of the pain to go away once it was done because there was no straining.. But it hasn't. That lead weight feeling in my ass has only gotten worse. I've tried warm baths, cold compresses, a little prep H. Nothing is soothing it at all. Getting up and down is HORRIBLE. The pain is excrutiating.
My family has a long history of dealing with hemorrhoids. Several even needed the surgery to remove them at one point. My Mom said it sounds like a REALLY bad case of internal ones and if they don't feel better tomorrow I will need to call my doctor. I'm praying it gets better because I'm already on antibiotics for an ear infection & nexium for my severe acid reflux. I hate taking so much medication :(
I'm pretty f-ing miserable right now.
So, I have hemorrhoids. Usually, while they suck, they are no big deal. Even before pregnancy I would sometimes I get them for a day or so and then they would disappear. I'd have some pain while going to the bathroom and I've only had one REALLY bad attack and that was the night after my wedding.
Cue to last night. I've been a little sore down there, but figure its just because of all the straining due to the constipation. Well I was sitting on the couch for AWHILE. And when I stood up I felt it. It literally felt like something huge was going to fall out of my butt. And I'm not talking about the normal stuff that comes out. It felt like a lead weight. At this point its painful even when walking and I haven't gone to the bathroom in 2 days so I figure it could be that? I was in pain all night long and barely even able to sit.
Today it's 10x worse. I did go to the bathroom this morning...a lot. And it hurt some but I expected some of the pain to go away once it was done because there was no straining.. But it hasn't. That lead weight feeling in my ass has only gotten worse. I've tried warm baths, cold compresses, a little prep H. Nothing is soothing it at all. Getting up and down is HORRIBLE. The pain is excrutiating.
My family has a long history of dealing with hemorrhoids. Several even needed the surgery to remove them at one point. My Mom said it sounds like a REALLY bad case of internal ones and if they don't feel better tomorrow I will need to call my doctor. I'm praying it gets better because I'm already on antibiotics for an ear infection & nexium for my severe acid reflux. I hate taking so much medication :(
I'm pretty f-ing miserable right now.
So I haven't been updating much....
...and that's because I am constantly feeling like crap! And who wants to write a blog where they are complaining all the time? It's time for an update nonetheless though, so here we go.
I had been feeling pretty great for awhile....especially since 21 weeks or so. But once I hit 29-30 weeks, all hell broke loose. The heartburn is the worst I have ever experienced. I literally wake up choking on acid vomit. The doctors put me on Nexium because it's so bad and it's helped a lot but then last night I had another horrible attack of it.
The constipation is WORSE than the 1st trimester. And so much more painful now that the baby is so big in there. When you're having stomach cramping and the baby is kicking you at the same time, it is not fun. Between that and my IBS attacks, I have been having a lot of Braxton Hicks, due to those issues most likely (so said my doctors).
Don't get me wrong, I am still SO thankful to be pregnant. No matter how bad I am feeling, I smile everyday because I know my little girl will be here soon and it'll all be SO worth it. It's just definitely to that point in pregnancy where it starts to become very uncomfortable. Half the time I can barely even reach my ass to wipe it (I so wish I was joking, lol). The cramping and aching and pains are pretty much nonstop. And Hannah is a super active little one inside me. She has brought tears to my eyes with some of her kicks because they are that hard.
Regardless of ALL of that and regardless of all my emotional crying spells, I am happy. In two months or less I will have my beautiful baby girl with me. I can't wait til the moment I see her face and get to hold and kiss her and have her here with us. It's something I dream about often. And my husband is SO excited too. He is going to be such a great father.
Yesterday we did our second maternity shoot. I was 31w3d. We got to see two photos so far and they are SO cute! Can't wait to see more. It was a HOT ass day though. My hair, which I took hours to straighten nicely was completely curly by the end. Oh well. You can check those two photos out on my FB page if you want. :)
That's all for now! I'll try to update sooner again!
I had been feeling pretty great for awhile....especially since 21 weeks or so. But once I hit 29-30 weeks, all hell broke loose. The heartburn is the worst I have ever experienced. I literally wake up choking on acid vomit. The doctors put me on Nexium because it's so bad and it's helped a lot but then last night I had another horrible attack of it.
The constipation is WORSE than the 1st trimester. And so much more painful now that the baby is so big in there. When you're having stomach cramping and the baby is kicking you at the same time, it is not fun. Between that and my IBS attacks, I have been having a lot of Braxton Hicks, due to those issues most likely (so said my doctors).
Don't get me wrong, I am still SO thankful to be pregnant. No matter how bad I am feeling, I smile everyday because I know my little girl will be here soon and it'll all be SO worth it. It's just definitely to that point in pregnancy where it starts to become very uncomfortable. Half the time I can barely even reach my ass to wipe it (I so wish I was joking, lol). The cramping and aching and pains are pretty much nonstop. And Hannah is a super active little one inside me. She has brought tears to my eyes with some of her kicks because they are that hard.
Regardless of ALL of that and regardless of all my emotional crying spells, I am happy. In two months or less I will have my beautiful baby girl with me. I can't wait til the moment I see her face and get to hold and kiss her and have her here with us. It's something I dream about often. And my husband is SO excited too. He is going to be such a great father.
Yesterday we did our second maternity shoot. I was 31w3d. We got to see two photos so far and they are SO cute! Can't wait to see more. It was a HOT ass day though. My hair, which I took hours to straighten nicely was completely curly by the end. Oh well. You can check those two photos out on my FB page if you want. :)
That's all for now! I'll try to update sooner again!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
I'm a terrible blogger!
I haven't written for awhile but please forgive me! I am just so tired and exhausted all of the time and have been doing way too much. My husband has made me promise to start relaxing and taking it easy so that's what I'm planning on.
Pregnant life has been going pretty well lately. My belly gets bigger everyday and I have to admit that my belly is my favorite part! I LOVE having a baby belly. I keep saying one of the best parts of pregnancy is that I can eat a big meal and NOT suck in my stomach afterwards. I can proudly let it all hang out! LOVE IT!
I've been experiencing some weird and uncomfortable movement from Hannah lately that has made me feel a bit off to be honest. I love feeling her move...most of the time. But now she's kicking my ribs all the time and balling up in my belly making it contort and move all weird. She makes my entire belly move and mold and shake. It took a few days to get used to these new movements that are obviously because she is getting so much bigger! Now I'm starting to realize how cool it really is. Sometimes she kicks me and I can push back at that little spot and feel HER pushing back at it. Totally cool.
I've also been busy getting things together for the shower my Mom is throwing me. I'm trying to let her do it all (with the help of my best friend and SIL) but I just feel guilty sometimes that they are all doing this for me and Hannah and I want to try and help. My shower will be on August 5 and I am super excited!
The nursery is also coming along nicely and it truly is a beautiful room. Once it is fully finished I will post photos.
Also, I post photos all the time on my TWW facebook page, so remember you can add me there if you're interested!
http://www.facebook.com/kellie.rose.39
Pregnant life has been going pretty well lately. My belly gets bigger everyday and I have to admit that my belly is my favorite part! I LOVE having a baby belly. I keep saying one of the best parts of pregnancy is that I can eat a big meal and NOT suck in my stomach afterwards. I can proudly let it all hang out! LOVE IT!
I've been experiencing some weird and uncomfortable movement from Hannah lately that has made me feel a bit off to be honest. I love feeling her move...most of the time. But now she's kicking my ribs all the time and balling up in my belly making it contort and move all weird. She makes my entire belly move and mold and shake. It took a few days to get used to these new movements that are obviously because she is getting so much bigger! Now I'm starting to realize how cool it really is. Sometimes she kicks me and I can push back at that little spot and feel HER pushing back at it. Totally cool.
I've also been busy getting things together for the shower my Mom is throwing me. I'm trying to let her do it all (with the help of my best friend and SIL) but I just feel guilty sometimes that they are all doing this for me and Hannah and I want to try and help. My shower will be on August 5 and I am super excited!
The nursery is also coming along nicely and it truly is a beautiful room. Once it is fully finished I will post photos.
Also, I post photos all the time on my TWW facebook page, so remember you can add me there if you're interested!
http://www.facebook.com/kellie.rose.39
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Leaking Nipples
The leaking has begun! Yesterday I woke up from a nap with clear sticky liquid all over my shirt by my left nipple. And today it's coming from both but especially from my right. It's pretty gross, I'm not going to lie.
BUT, I will hopefully take this as a positive sign that I may be able to breastfeed since I've been unsure because of my breast reduction. In the meantime, I guess I need to start wearing some pads in my bras.
In other news- I waxed the tan off my face above my eyebrows yesterday. My skin has been on the verge of peeling since my beach trip and the wax just took it right off. So...I look really weird right now HA!
BUT, I will hopefully take this as a positive sign that I may be able to breastfeed since I've been unsure because of my breast reduction. In the meantime, I guess I need to start wearing some pads in my bras.
In other news- I waxed the tan off my face above my eyebrows yesterday. My skin has been on the verge of peeling since my beach trip and the wax just took it right off. So...I look really weird right now HA!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Gender Confirmation and Some Reflection
Well our u/s at 20 weeks confirmed what we were told at 15 weeks and that is that it is most certainly a sweet baby GIRL! I am so happy. I totally had these irrational thoughts that there would suddenly be a penis. LOL Not that it would be the end of the world, but I spent 3 hours putting up a girly tree decal in the nursery! Which reminds me that I need to post some pictures soon!
I have been feeling tons of movement. She kicks and punches me all day and I love every one of them. My husband got to feel her kick for the first time the other day and the look on his face was priceless. I LOVED it.
I'm getting pretty big and round already! I recently went to an expecting Moms meetup.com group and there were these tiny pregnant women over 30 weeks who made me look like a cow. Oh well. Everyone carries differently I guess.
Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about what we went through back in December and January with our miscarriage. Even when I got pregnant again I was still feeling a lot of anger over what happened but I've finally learned to let go of that. It still makes me sad to think of it, the moment we realized our baby was definitely gone, and the look on my husbands face as it crumbled when he began to cry. The way my legs wouldn't work at that first fateful ultrasound and I thought I would die. Now that I have our little Hannah growing inside me, I feel differently. As hard as it all was, it made me stronger, my husband stronger, and it made our marriage unbreakable. I now truly believed it happened for a reason. That God wanted to test our love and strength. And when we passed the test, when we came together stronger than ever, He quickly gave us our new gift, our little baby girl. I know that there is still time for bad things to happen but I don't think about that anymore. I completely trust that this is our take home baby, and that we had to lose our other one in order to give life to this one. Right now, I couldn't be more grateful.
I have been feeling tons of movement. She kicks and punches me all day and I love every one of them. My husband got to feel her kick for the first time the other day and the look on his face was priceless. I LOVED it.
I'm getting pretty big and round already! I recently went to an expecting Moms meetup.com group and there were these tiny pregnant women over 30 weeks who made me look like a cow. Oh well. Everyone carries differently I guess.
Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about what we went through back in December and January with our miscarriage. Even when I got pregnant again I was still feeling a lot of anger over what happened but I've finally learned to let go of that. It still makes me sad to think of it, the moment we realized our baby was definitely gone, and the look on my husbands face as it crumbled when he began to cry. The way my legs wouldn't work at that first fateful ultrasound and I thought I would die. Now that I have our little Hannah growing inside me, I feel differently. As hard as it all was, it made me stronger, my husband stronger, and it made our marriage unbreakable. I now truly believed it happened for a reason. That God wanted to test our love and strength. And when we passed the test, when we came together stronger than ever, He quickly gave us our new gift, our little baby girl. I know that there is still time for bad things to happen but I don't think about that anymore. I completely trust that this is our take home baby, and that we had to lose our other one in order to give life to this one. Right now, I couldn't be more grateful.
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