So I was right. I'm officially pregnant again. I'm happy, but cautiously. It's sad that having a m/c can take the joy out of getting your BFP, but it does a little. Because things can go either way.
It's crazy that this happened because I did everything WRONG this month. I drank, I smoked, took no vitamins, and I did whatever the hell I wanted for the first time in about a year. We had sex a lot but it wasn't for baby making purposes. I didn't even lay there after with my legs up for 20 min because I got bored after 5 min. I said, fuck it! and I got a BFP? I never even had a normal regular period following my m/c! I just got pregnant when I ovulated right afterwards. I've read a lot of stories about how fertile you are after a m/c but I didn't think it would be that way for me. I mean, we tried to 10 months without fertility meds with nothing but a suspected chemical in August. And then I finally went on Clomid and conceived the second month. Then we lost the baby and I conceive RIGHT away, without trying, without clomid.
It's just a little crazy to me. I always want to tell people to shove it when they tell me, "Relax, it'll happen." but I guess there is some merit to it. That combined with the supposedly being "extra fertile" after your m/c.
Either way, I'm glad. Regardless of what happens, I clearly CAN get pregnant. That's a good thing. This is a wonderful gift and I hope God lets me keep it this time :)
I also want to say that I have so much support from the ladies on TWW and I am very grateful. The fact that many of them are so encouraging and genuinely happy and enthusiastic for others good fortune while struggling themselves says a lot about who they are and I am proud to call them my friends.
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
It gets better.
It really does! On Saturday evening we even went out to a bar for a meetup group and I had such a nice time. The girls saw all the bruises on my arms and wrists (from the IV's...I bruised like CRAZY) and asked me if everything was OK. I told them how I was in the hospital (because I don't want them to think my husband beats me) and then with more questions I just explained about having an infection from miscarriage. I didn't really want to tell people but it kind of felt good to get it out. And luckily no one made any dumb comments or "helpful" remarks.
So I actually had fun. I realized how much getting out and socializing really helps me. It would be so much easier to sink back into my hole of despair but it doesn't do me much good.
I even talked to my older brother today, who has a fiance with almost the same due date I would have had if I didn't miscarry. Privately, I've been really resentful of them. But today I made nice and talked names with my brother. It's still not easy but I AM feeling much better.
Tonight I'm going bowling with my husband, parents, my younger brother and his fiance, and another couple and I think it's going to be a good time.
My next doctors appointment is on Wednesday at 10:30am with the doctor who helped me get pregnant, Dr. Crider. I'm hoping he will tell me that we can start trying with my next regular cycle. I need that.
I took a pregnancy test last night since I was curious if anything is left in my system. I mean, I did the misoprostal, THEN had a D&C, and have barely had any bleeding for the past 3 days. It was STILL positive though, even if faintly so. It's the only time I've not wanted to see a positive. Based on how faint it was though I'm thinking the pregnancy hormone should be gone in the next few days.
So I actually had fun. I realized how much getting out and socializing really helps me. It would be so much easier to sink back into my hole of despair but it doesn't do me much good.
I even talked to my older brother today, who has a fiance with almost the same due date I would have had if I didn't miscarry. Privately, I've been really resentful of them. But today I made nice and talked names with my brother. It's still not easy but I AM feeling much better.
Tonight I'm going bowling with my husband, parents, my younger brother and his fiance, and another couple and I think it's going to be a good time.
My next doctors appointment is on Wednesday at 10:30am with the doctor who helped me get pregnant, Dr. Crider. I'm hoping he will tell me that we can start trying with my next regular cycle. I need that.
I took a pregnancy test last night since I was curious if anything is left in my system. I mean, I did the misoprostal, THEN had a D&C, and have barely had any bleeding for the past 3 days. It was STILL positive though, even if faintly so. It's the only time I've not wanted to see a positive. Based on how faint it was though I'm thinking the pregnancy hormone should be gone in the next few days.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Ok, I'm ready now.
Last night I decided. I'm done with this unhappiness. No more moping, no more crying, no more thinking about what could have been.
For me, it's time to move on and move forward. I FINALLY started physically feeling better yesterday evening and it has done wonders for my mood.
Everything could be so much worse and I have be be thankful for the facts. I got pregnant. It may have taken a year but it DID happen. The clomid helped and it may very well help do the trick this next time.
I'm seeing my doctor Wednesday next week to discuss our next steps and I am praying he gives us the go ahead to try again after my regular cycle begins. I don't want to wait several months. I've been reading so many stories about TTC after a miscarriage and there are SO many who conceived with a healthy pregnancy just a month or two after the m/c.
This gives me hope and it feels so good.
For me, it's time to move on and move forward. I FINALLY started physically feeling better yesterday evening and it has done wonders for my mood.
Everything could be so much worse and I have be be thankful for the facts. I got pregnant. It may have taken a year but it DID happen. The clomid helped and it may very well help do the trick this next time.
I'm seeing my doctor Wednesday next week to discuss our next steps and I am praying he gives us the go ahead to try again after my regular cycle begins. I don't want to wait several months. I've been reading so many stories about TTC after a miscarriage and there are SO many who conceived with a healthy pregnancy just a month or two after the m/c.
This gives me hope and it feels so good.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
My Nightmare Hospital Ordeal & Emergency D&C
When I started the misoprostal on Wednesday to help me begin to miscarry I thought my whole ordeal was about to be on the way to being over. I was bleeding, passing clots, all normal in a miscarriage. Then on Saturday evening, things went horribly, horribly wrong.
I began vomiting around 10pm. And I mean violently vomiting. By 3am, I had vomited 20+ times and had a fever of 100. It was time to go to the ER.
We made the mistake of going to our local little emergency room at a small hospital around the corner. HUGE mistake. We waited for 30 in a room before anyone would even bring me blanket. No one took my temp. I explained that I knew I was miscarrying but started days prior and had no idea if this was related. 6 hours later, I can barely walk, I am painfully feverish, vomiting nonstop, worst diarrhea of my life. They tell me there is nothing they can do for me there and are transferring me via ambulance to the large Orlando hospital that my Ob/Gyn office is affiliated with.
2 hours later they finally take my temperature and it's almost 104. I am STILL at the crappy little hospital. Let me also say that at this point I have not received one single iota of compassion from any doctor or nurse. When I couldn't walk anymore I begged for a bedpan to urinate it. Nurse refused because she didn't want to clean anything. I finally flip out and tell them that if they don't transfer me within 30 min I am going home and whatever happens to me is on them. The doctor is rude and horrible. All I want to do is go home.
The ambulance finally arrives and I am buckled into the stretcher. Right before they have drugged me up so much that I barely have an idea of where I am. Some thirty minutes later we arrive at the hospital.
At the larger hospital everything is different. I am put in the high risk perinatal section and the nurses are kind, sympathetic, and compassionate. I see one of the doctors from my practice and he disappoints me very much. He is not my regular doctor there but I HAVE seen him and he in fact did my last two ultrasounds and put me on the misoprostal. He is convinced my sickness has NOTHING to do with my miscarriage and that I am either sick with the flu or food poisoning. Well, I test negative for the flu. And there is no way it's from food poisoning. Everyone in my family ate the SAME exact things I ate. No one else was sick. It was like he was ignoring me. He said he'd order an ultrasound.
8 hours later I am STILL waiting for my ultrasound. Finally at 10:30pm I am brought down to get my u/s. It shows there is still a little tissue remaining in my uterus.
At 11:30pm another doctor from my practice comes on duty and comes to see me. This is when things finally began to change. Before Dr. Hill in, he obviously read my file. He sat on the end my bed, patted my knee and said how sorry he was for my loss. Do you know that is the FIRST time any doctor told me that since I found out I would miscarry? He said he reviewed the u/s and there is some tissue left but not a lot. But then he said he wanted to do a pelvic exam and if he could actually feel the tissue he wanted to do a D&C because he was worried about how sick I was. He found my cervix closed and felt tissue stuck in there. Because of all my symptoms, he said he thinks I have an infection due to an incomplete miscarriage. My fever at this point is 103.
One hour later I am being prepped for surgery. My husband is standing beside me and right before they roll me into the room and I begin sobbing. He looks at me with tears in his eyes, tells me he loves me, and that he'll be right there when I get out.
I wake up about an hour and a half later. Already my fever is down to 99. I am groggy and out of it but so glad it's over. My husband stays with me until I am brought back to my room to sleep for the night. I was up to Dr. Hill checking on me at 6:30am to tell me that since my fever has continuously gone down immediately following the operation that it obvious to them it was infection. Part of the placenta was still inside me causing it. But he said the surgery went well and there should be no reason I can't get pregnant again. I just want to say I am extremely grateful to Dr. Hill. His kindness and compassion makes him a wonderful doctor. Instead of making me wait longer, he took me seriously and acted immediately.
At 5pm the next day I am finally discharged. My fever has stayed at 98.6 since surgery. They tried to make me stay the night for more observation, but I refused. I was done. I was ready to go home.
I am so utterly exhausted by everything I went though. It's so hard to heal emotionally when you're going through such crazy stuff physically. All I can take from this is that I am a stronger person for getting through it. I refuse to let all of this keep me down.
I will get pregnant again. We will get our take down home baby and that family we want so badly. I have faith.
I began vomiting around 10pm. And I mean violently vomiting. By 3am, I had vomited 20+ times and had a fever of 100. It was time to go to the ER.
We made the mistake of going to our local little emergency room at a small hospital around the corner. HUGE mistake. We waited for 30 in a room before anyone would even bring me blanket. No one took my temp. I explained that I knew I was miscarrying but started days prior and had no idea if this was related. 6 hours later, I can barely walk, I am painfully feverish, vomiting nonstop, worst diarrhea of my life. They tell me there is nothing they can do for me there and are transferring me via ambulance to the large Orlando hospital that my Ob/Gyn office is affiliated with.
2 hours later they finally take my temperature and it's almost 104. I am STILL at the crappy little hospital. Let me also say that at this point I have not received one single iota of compassion from any doctor or nurse. When I couldn't walk anymore I begged for a bedpan to urinate it. Nurse refused because she didn't want to clean anything. I finally flip out and tell them that if they don't transfer me within 30 min I am going home and whatever happens to me is on them. The doctor is rude and horrible. All I want to do is go home.
The ambulance finally arrives and I am buckled into the stretcher. Right before they have drugged me up so much that I barely have an idea of where I am. Some thirty minutes later we arrive at the hospital.
At the larger hospital everything is different. I am put in the high risk perinatal section and the nurses are kind, sympathetic, and compassionate. I see one of the doctors from my practice and he disappoints me very much. He is not my regular doctor there but I HAVE seen him and he in fact did my last two ultrasounds and put me on the misoprostal. He is convinced my sickness has NOTHING to do with my miscarriage and that I am either sick with the flu or food poisoning. Well, I test negative for the flu. And there is no way it's from food poisoning. Everyone in my family ate the SAME exact things I ate. No one else was sick. It was like he was ignoring me. He said he'd order an ultrasound.
8 hours later I am STILL waiting for my ultrasound. Finally at 10:30pm I am brought down to get my u/s. It shows there is still a little tissue remaining in my uterus.
At 11:30pm another doctor from my practice comes on duty and comes to see me. This is when things finally began to change. Before Dr. Hill in, he obviously read my file. He sat on the end my bed, patted my knee and said how sorry he was for my loss. Do you know that is the FIRST time any doctor told me that since I found out I would miscarry? He said he reviewed the u/s and there is some tissue left but not a lot. But then he said he wanted to do a pelvic exam and if he could actually feel the tissue he wanted to do a D&C because he was worried about how sick I was. He found my cervix closed and felt tissue stuck in there. Because of all my symptoms, he said he thinks I have an infection due to an incomplete miscarriage. My fever at this point is 103.
One hour later I am being prepped for surgery. My husband is standing beside me and right before they roll me into the room and I begin sobbing. He looks at me with tears in his eyes, tells me he loves me, and that he'll be right there when I get out.
I wake up about an hour and a half later. Already my fever is down to 99. I am groggy and out of it but so glad it's over. My husband stays with me until I am brought back to my room to sleep for the night. I was up to Dr. Hill checking on me at 6:30am to tell me that since my fever has continuously gone down immediately following the operation that it obvious to them it was infection. Part of the placenta was still inside me causing it. But he said the surgery went well and there should be no reason I can't get pregnant again. I just want to say I am extremely grateful to Dr. Hill. His kindness and compassion makes him a wonderful doctor. Instead of making me wait longer, he took me seriously and acted immediately.
At 5pm the next day I am finally discharged. My fever has stayed at 98.6 since surgery. They tried to make me stay the night for more observation, but I refused. I was done. I was ready to go home.
I am so utterly exhausted by everything I went though. It's so hard to heal emotionally when you're going through such crazy stuff physically. All I can take from this is that I am a stronger person for getting through it. I refuse to let all of this keep me down.
I will get pregnant again. We will get our take down home baby and that family we want so badly. I have faith.
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