And All Is Still Right In My World...

After my bright red bleeding scare the other night, I thought for sure it was over for me. It happened after Dh and I were fooling around (no penetration) but I orgasmed, had really bad cramping for 30 sec and then went to pee. When I wiped there was bright red blood. I had it for about 30 min and then it tapered down to a spotting. Still, I was scared so I called my doctor and made an appointment for the following day.

That night I started having terrible stomach pains and figured I was definitely miscarrying. But then I went to the bathroom (TMI, #2) which was painful but I felt so much better after and voila! No more cramps.

All bleeding completely stopped as well as cramps after that and I woke up the next day, everything feeling great again. I started to have hope.

I went to the doctor to get my u/s then and he warned that since I was about 5 weeks-ish that I may not see anything. But I did! I was measuring about 5 weeks 3 days and I had a nice little sac with a yolk! My doctor said it was exactly what he hoped to see and it was perfect for where I was at. He also saw no abnormalities whatsoever and said I may have burst a blood vessel in my cervix during orgasm.

While I am a little more nervous than I was before the incident I do feel much more hopeful. He wants me to go back in two weeks to hopefully see our little peanut with a heartbeat and I can't wait!

I slept much better last night. Oh and when I woke up this morning, our little peanut reminded me that he/she is DEFINITELY there because I've been puking all morning and can't stop. But you know what? I'll take it!

Red Blood.

Just went to the bathroom and when I wiped there was red blood. I am crushed right now.

5 Weeks and I'm Still Pregnant!

I think I'm going to celebrate every week, lol. With everyday that comes, I am just so grateful to still be pregnant!

I officially have my first u/s scheduled for Feb. 29 at 1:15pm with my regular OB, who I love. I refuse to start seeing the other doctors in the practice until I reach the 2nd trimester, especially after how cold the doctor was who told me I would miscarry my last pregnancy.

I'm feeling pretty good overall. I have had some nausea at night, horribly sore boobs, but the worst one for me is the acne! Ugh! It's not on my face much really but all over my back and shoulders (and I rarely EVER break out there). It was actually one of the signs that I was pregnant again.

Anyway I took a detect5 progressive pregnancy test at 18dpo and had lines in 25, 100, and 500. And then after it dried it freaked me out a little when I saw lines in 2000 and 10000, because that would be a bit too high. But after using my second one today I realize it was definitely evaps on those two. Today I took one and read it right at 5 min like I was SUPPOSED to the first time, and I have lines at 25, 100, 500, and 2000. Which would still be a little high at 20dpo but nothing to be worried about, just a hopefully nice and sticky bean.

I think my husband is finally starting to feel excited. He has been pretty guarded considering what happened last time. I think he sees me being less stressed and afraid than last time and it helps.

I completely thought that when I got pregnant again after my m/c that I would be freaking out worried everyday. Surprisingly enough, I feel very at peace with whatever happens. I know that I have no control whatsoever on the outcome. All I can do is take care of myself. And stress and worry isn't what our baby wants. So right now, I am happy, excited, and can't wait to see what is to come. :)

I'm pregnant...again.

So I was right. I'm officially pregnant again. I'm happy, but cautiously. It's sad that having a m/c can take the joy out of getting your BFP, but it does a little. Because things can go either way.

It's crazy that this happened because I did everything WRONG this month. I drank, I smoked, took no vitamins, and I did whatever the hell I wanted for the first time in about a year. We had sex a lot but it wasn't for baby making purposes. I didn't even lay there after with my legs up for 20 min because I got bored after 5 min. I said, fuck it! and I got a BFP? I never even had a normal regular period following my m/c! I just got pregnant when I ovulated right afterwards. I've read a lot of stories about how fertile you are after a m/c but I didn't think it would be that way for me. I mean, we tried to 10 months without fertility meds with nothing but a suspected chemical in August. And then I finally went on Clomid and conceived the second month. Then we lost the baby and I conceive RIGHT away, without trying, without clomid.

It's just a little crazy to me. I always want to tell people to shove it when they tell me, "Relax, it'll happen." but I guess there is some merit to it. That combined with the supposedly being "extra fertile" after your m/c.

Either way, I'm glad. Regardless of what happens, I clearly CAN get pregnant. That's a good thing. This is a wonderful gift and I hope God lets me keep it this time :)

I also want to say that I have so much support from the ladies on TWW and I am very grateful. The fact that many of them are so encouraging and genuinely happy and enthusiastic for others good fortune while struggling themselves says a lot about who they are and I am proud to call them my friends.

I just have this feeling...

...that I may be pregnant again. I haven't been over analyzing but I do have the same symptoms I had in my last pregnancy.

I have cramping on both sides, sometimes light, sometimes intense. I also broke out all over my shoulders and chest. My bbs don't hurt but there is the zinging sensation sometimes in my nipples. AND, I've had queasiness, especially in the evenings for the past 2-3 days.

So I caved and tested on cheapies today and there IS something there. I'm either 8 or 9dpo, most likely 8dpo...

Here is a link to my post on tww:

http://www.twoweekwait.com/community/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&p=2544273#2544273

All I can do now is just wait and see what happens! Either way, I promise to myself to not get too excited if it IS positive and not get upset if it turns out a fluke. Whatever it is, it is!

My First TWW Post M/C!

So I am officially in my first two week wait since the miscarriage. Today I am either 5 or 6dpo. I'm not expecting to necessarily get pregnant again right away but I also wouldn't be shocked if I did. I've read so many stories of women who got pregnant right after their M/C so I AM a LITTLE hopeful, lol

Ovulation felt very strong and I think I may have ovulated out of both sides. Since ovulation I have just been having some cramping on both sides, kind of like last time when I got pregnant. No other real symptoms though...which is like last time too. So I guess now we just wait and see! I will wait until I am about 10dpo to test since that is when I got my BFP last time.

Oh, one of the girls in a buddy group on twoweekwait got her BFP! It's SO nice to see someone who has been trying many months finally get one. I had been the first in my buddy group since it started to get my BFP but obviously it didn't end well. I hope it means several of the other girls will be getting theirs soon too. :)

Getting The Magic Back!

I haven't updated for awhile because I've been SO busy actually having a social life for the first time in...forever. And it feels REALLY good, I'm not going to lie.

So the sad stuff first. My grandfather passed away a few days ago. He was my Dad's father and my Dad is really struggling because his mother passed three years earlier and he just doesn't know how to handle it. So I'm sad for that but I also think he is much more at peace now. He has been horribly depressed after my grandmother died and now he is with her.

Now, onto other stuff. I ovulated! And I am pretty sure I did from both sides. Usually I cramp strongly during ovulation on one side but this time it was on both. I got a strong surge on my OPT. I'm super happy that my body seems to be going back to normal.

Also, DH and I have been getting the magic back! It feels like we've been making up for a lot of lost time from not being able to be intimate during the pregnancy (bc I was too nervous) and then through the miscarriage. And now...WOW! To be honest, I've been so consumed with everything TTC and pregnancy that our sex, even though it's always good became a little bit routine. I forgot how much fun it is when you're not worrying about timing and performance anxiety and so on. We've been so laid back about it and have been doing it almost every day or at least every other day. To be honest, I wouldn't be completely shocked if I got pregnant again before my next period even starts, but I'm going to try not to get ahead of myself.

I've also decided that whenever I DO pregnant again, that I'm not going to request a beta the day I get my BFP. And I know my doctor will want me to get at least two done, but unless something seems wrong I'm going to insist on no more. I just think it'll do me some good to be more relaxed next time and to accept that fact that if something bad happens again, then it happens again. Some people have to go through it a few times before they get their miracle and I know God has a plan for us and it's going to be what it's going to be.

In the meantime, I am going to enjoy my new found social life and my sexy husband and just be thankful for all that I have RIGHT NOW. Time to enjoy life in the moment.