Holy hell, does morning sickness suck or what?
It's killing me so badly right now. Every week or so I get one day that I start to feel better and I get all excited thinking, hey, maybe it's starting to subside!
The next day comes and NO SUCH LUCK! I've become very good friends with my toilet. The worst part is that while I'm in the process of the preliminary dry heaving and gagging that comes before the big show, I have to try and shove a pad or some toilet paper in my underwear because I pee my fricking pants every time I throw up. I should add that it's fun when it happens in a public place.
I'm praying hard that this will start to subside as I go into my 2nd trimester.
I just got a text from my husband and it says. "I love you baby. And I can't wait to hold *ours* this year. Also, I'm bringing home pizza."
It's reminders like those....and let's be honest...the pizza... that make it ALL worthwhile. :)
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
I'm sorry to say this but...
...pregnancy sucks.
I debated whether or not I should write about this because I know there are so many ladies out there who want this more than anything. And these are ladies that I care about. But you know what? I wanted this too and this is MY blog so here goes....
While we were struggling to conceive and then going through our miscarriage my heart was broken at the thought of not being able to experience pregnancy. I yearned to know what it felt like for life to grow inside me.
I finally got what I wanted and I could not feel worse. I am 9w3d today and I am in CONSTANT pain. I've been having IBS flare ups that leave me doubled over in pain and hysterically crying while straining to go to the bathroom and vomiting at the same time.
I get to go #2 maybe once every 4-5 days. I pee about 8-9 times/hour. And this horrible nausea rarely leaves me. I am constantly exhausted but can't sleep at night. My restless leg syndrome has also gotten 10x worse. There have been only two moments that made it worth it to me and those were the two times we have seen our gummy bear so far.
I've always said I wanted to have 3 kids. I will be lucky if I want to have another after this.
I am praying that things get better in the next few weeks. I love this baby so much already and desperately want to enjoy the incredible things taking place in my body but when you feel this awful, it's just so hard to see the silver lining.
I'm sorry if I seem like an asshole or if I seem insensitive to be complaining. But this is my journey and this is how I feel RIGHT NOW. I'm sure in a few weeks once I start growing my belly and feeling the baby kick I will feel completely different.
In the meantime I'll be praying to the pregnancy Gods to please please please let me feel better....even if just for a few hours!
I debated whether or not I should write about this because I know there are so many ladies out there who want this more than anything. And these are ladies that I care about. But you know what? I wanted this too and this is MY blog so here goes....
While we were struggling to conceive and then going through our miscarriage my heart was broken at the thought of not being able to experience pregnancy. I yearned to know what it felt like for life to grow inside me.
I finally got what I wanted and I could not feel worse. I am 9w3d today and I am in CONSTANT pain. I've been having IBS flare ups that leave me doubled over in pain and hysterically crying while straining to go to the bathroom and vomiting at the same time.
I get to go #2 maybe once every 4-5 days. I pee about 8-9 times/hour. And this horrible nausea rarely leaves me. I am constantly exhausted but can't sleep at night. My restless leg syndrome has also gotten 10x worse. There have been only two moments that made it worth it to me and those were the two times we have seen our gummy bear so far.
I've always said I wanted to have 3 kids. I will be lucky if I want to have another after this.
I am praying that things get better in the next few weeks. I love this baby so much already and desperately want to enjoy the incredible things taking place in my body but when you feel this awful, it's just so hard to see the silver lining.
I'm sorry if I seem like an asshole or if I seem insensitive to be complaining. But this is my journey and this is how I feel RIGHT NOW. I'm sure in a few weeks once I start growing my belly and feeling the baby kick I will feel completely different.
In the meantime I'll be praying to the pregnancy Gods to please please please let me feel better....even if just for a few hours!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
ER Visit
Today....was a NIGHTMARE. So I went out today to do some shopping, get back home, and had to call my home protection company about replacing our dishwasher. Of course, typical scam artists that they are, they claim it's not covered, blah blah blah, but they have kept me hanging for over two weeks waiting to get this news. So understandably I get very upset and start yelling and arguing over the phone. When I hang up I am frustrated and pissed off and just burst into tears. I go to the bathroom to pee and when I wipe...BRIGHT RED BLOOD. There was even a nice tiny two little clots. My heart drops because I've been having brown spotting every other evening or so and I just felt like, Ok, it's over. I call my doctor and they are about to close for the day so they tell me to go straight to the ER since one of their doctors would be on staff. By this time I'm not bleeding anymore (it only lasted a wipe or two) but they insisted, so I went.
We waited, waited some more, and finally went back for an ultrasound. The tech wasn't supposed to tell us anything but she saw how nervous I was (plus, DH was watching the u/s screen like a hawk right over her shoulder). So finally (seriously, this was like a 30 min u/s) she says, please don't tell, but I want to make you feel better and turns the screen. There was our little gummy bear wiggling around. He/she looked like a little astronaut or kinda like Kenny from South Park, lol. I saw the flicker right away and felt so incredibly relieved. She measured the heart rate at 176, nice and strong. They can't find ANYTHING abnormal.
SO the news is good news, everything is OK. Baby measures 8w3d exactly. They still don't have a definite answer for me on why I'm bleeding but they have a few theories. One is that they see a lot of pregnant patients with endo (I have it pretty severely) have some red bleeding with tiny pieces of tissue from time to time. Or it could be my cervix. Or I'm just one of those strange pregnant women that mysteriously bleed for no reason. Seriously? This kid is KILLIN me! Lol. Apparently my doctors will be monitoring me more closely now (which I definitely do not mind).
Anyway, that's my story. Now I'm going to bed!
We waited, waited some more, and finally went back for an ultrasound. The tech wasn't supposed to tell us anything but she saw how nervous I was (plus, DH was watching the u/s screen like a hawk right over her shoulder). So finally (seriously, this was like a 30 min u/s) she says, please don't tell, but I want to make you feel better and turns the screen. There was our little gummy bear wiggling around. He/she looked like a little astronaut or kinda like Kenny from South Park, lol. I saw the flicker right away and felt so incredibly relieved. She measured the heart rate at 176, nice and strong. They can't find ANYTHING abnormal.
SO the news is good news, everything is OK. Baby measures 8w3d exactly. They still don't have a definite answer for me on why I'm bleeding but they have a few theories. One is that they see a lot of pregnant patients with endo (I have it pretty severely) have some red bleeding with tiny pieces of tissue from time to time. Or it could be my cervix. Or I'm just one of those strange pregnant women that mysteriously bleed for no reason. Seriously? This kid is KILLIN me! Lol. Apparently my doctors will be monitoring me more closely now (which I definitely do not mind).
Anyway, that's my story. Now I'm going to bed!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Our peanut has a heartbeat!
Today was the moment I was excited for and dreading at the same time. I knew this u/s would either make me or break me. I've had some spotting and mild bleeding episodes so I knew this could turn out badly.
As Theo and I sat in the doctors office, I thought I was going to have a full fledged panic attack. When my wonderful doctor came in, he immediately saw how nervous I was and said, "Let's get straight to it."
I had transvaginal u/s and because of my tilted uterus he had to put a lot more pressure. As first I saw what just looked like an empty sac and I froze. But then he moved it a little more and there is was....our perfect little peanut. And then even more wonderfully, I saw the little flicker of our little one's heartbeat. With their new u/s machines he thought he could get it for us to hear as well and he did. It was so perfect and I immediately began to cry. But this time, it was with happiness. Theo had a smile so big on his face, I wish I could have taken a picture.
Our baby is measuring 7w4d exactly. We didn't get the exact heart rate because I kept moving (crying/laughing/shaking, you name it) but the doctor said it was well over 100 and absolutely perfect.
We could not be happier.
The only downside today is that the u/s left me quite tender (as the doctor said it would because of the added pressure) but it's a small price to pay for this incredible moment. Next u/s will be between 10-12 weeks!
In the meantime, here is our little peanut!
As Theo and I sat in the doctors office, I thought I was going to have a full fledged panic attack. When my wonderful doctor came in, he immediately saw how nervous I was and said, "Let's get straight to it."
I had transvaginal u/s and because of my tilted uterus he had to put a lot more pressure. As first I saw what just looked like an empty sac and I froze. But then he moved it a little more and there is was....our perfect little peanut. And then even more wonderfully, I saw the little flicker of our little one's heartbeat. With their new u/s machines he thought he could get it for us to hear as well and he did. It was so perfect and I immediately began to cry. But this time, it was with happiness. Theo had a smile so big on his face, I wish I could have taken a picture.
Our baby is measuring 7w4d exactly. We didn't get the exact heart rate because I kept moving (crying/laughing/shaking, you name it) but the doctor said it was well over 100 and absolutely perfect.
We could not be happier.
The only downside today is that the u/s left me quite tender (as the doctor said it would because of the added pressure) but it's a small price to pay for this incredible moment. Next u/s will be between 10-12 weeks!
In the meantime, here is our little peanut!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The first trimester is NOT so fun.
I hate to complain. I really do. But honestly? The first trimester SUCKS! I feel crappy every minute of everyday. The nausea is constant, even during the night when I'm trying to sleep, so I'm not doing very much of it. I don't actually vomit very often but it's almost worse that I don't.
And the migraines. Are AWFUL. And my skin, my whole back and my shoulders are COVERED in acne. Not just normal pimples, but HUGE cyst like pimples. I'm supposed to be in the bridal party for my brother's wedding at the end of March and I'm DREADING it. I have to wear a strapless dress and I feel so embarrassed of my skin. It looks like I have irritated chicken pox. So gross.
Oh and every time I eat a meal my stomach blows up so big so that I look 6 months pregnant.
And I'm dying to know that my baby is healthy and growing. I have an ultrasound next Wednesday and I will be 7w4d. I think...no, I KNOW, that once I see that little heartbeat that this will all be real for me. And that this crappy first trimester will be so worth it to me. And then, I will do my very best to stop complaining. Promise :)
And the migraines. Are AWFUL. And my skin, my whole back and my shoulders are COVERED in acne. Not just normal pimples, but HUGE cyst like pimples. I'm supposed to be in the bridal party for my brother's wedding at the end of March and I'm DREADING it. I have to wear a strapless dress and I feel so embarrassed of my skin. It looks like I have irritated chicken pox. So gross.
Oh and every time I eat a meal my stomach blows up so big so that I look 6 months pregnant.
And I'm dying to know that my baby is healthy and growing. I have an ultrasound next Wednesday and I will be 7w4d. I think...no, I KNOW, that once I see that little heartbeat that this will all be real for me. And that this crappy first trimester will be so worth it to me. And then, I will do my very best to stop complaining. Promise :)
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